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- Maurice Buckley Family
30 Nov
November 30, 2014
A Chronicle, Too
Maurice and Mary Buckley
The Maurice and Mary Buckley children spanned 16 years. Their memories are varied as to their position in the family and circumstances of the times. It is almost like there were three families; Denny and Susie, Maureen and Mary Helen, and then Joe. We were also able to use Mom’s autobiography for some facts.
Mom was an only child brought up in Utica, NY, while Dad was one of nine and brought up on a farm in Port Leyden, NY. Mom’s close friend, Anne Barrett, had lots of brothers so there was always a lot going on which is why Mom spent countless hours with all of them. The Barretts rented a camp near Hawkinsville, NY, and Mom would frequently go with them. The girls loved to dance and would make their way down to the Hawkinsville weekly dances. It was here that Mom met Dad. She danced with him the very first night and told Ann, “Hands off, he’s mine!” As Mom told it, Anne was always the prettier of the two, and had lots of boyfriends. Ironically, both girls met their husbands at these dances.
Mom and Dad had a strange courtship with bus trips to and from the farm. Sometimes she had to ride on the milk wagon to get to the bus. When Mom went to the farm she would always bring special things to the young girls still living at home. When Dad would come to the city, he would not have any money. In those days, women never paid for dates and if Dad had 15 cents, it would only be enough for one person to go to the movies. Always the wheeler-dealer, he would give Dolly, the housekeeper, the 15 cents and send her to the movies so they could sit in the parlor!
They were married in the church rectory on Dec. 26, 1932, with only Anne and her future husband present. Since none of the Buckleys knew of the impending marriage, Dad went back to the farm to tell his family and Mom stayed in Utica and continued to work there. They lived separately until they were able to secure an apartment together in Utica. Dad landed a factory job that used acid and his eyes were burned several times. Remember there were no safety precautions in those days.
Since Mom’s parents were older when she was born, she had many perks other children of the era could only dream about, such as a fur coat to wear to school. She had never learned to cook nor frugally budget her money. Conversely, Dad was used to great farm meals every day. In later years, Mary Helen asked Mom how she adjusted to the lifestyle change. Mom’s answer was she couldn’t have survived if she didn’t love Dad so much.
Grandma and Grandpa had a car but Grandpa never learned to drive it. Grandma drove it, often with Grandpa’s brown fedora on the front seat. Clever, little lady she was. You see, Grandpa was bald and would never go to town without wearing his hat. If she took the fedora with her, he would be forced to stay on the farm and not go to town for some liquid refreshment!
Mom and Dad would take Denny and Susie to the farm for a weekly Sunday dinner. The car would always have at least one flat tire. It was just taken for granted they would have to stop on the way. Sometimes Dad would have to get a barrel of water and roll the tire around to find the leak. Usually several of the aunts, uncles, and cousins would also be there around the bountiful dining room table. It was during the Depression and the trip was their way of eating well and bringing home food from the gardens and eggs, too. As the kids got older they would sometimes be sent to the movies while the adults would play cards, such as Pedro and Pitch. They were all great storytellers.
At times, Denny and Susie stayed at the farm. They remember a waterfall and a little bridge and Grandma making huge breakfasts: pancakes, eggs, meats, coffee, hot chocolate, and toast. This was very unlike the cereal breakfast, which was their usual fare at home. It was a morning tradition on the farm to “dunk”. Little did Denny and Susie know that Grandma Eva had a secret. The dunking was due to the fact she never put her teeth in before 10 o’clock. To this day some of the family still retain the habit of “dunking”, and thankfully do not have the secret.
They were never corrected by their grandparents. Now they wonder how Grandma could stand it. There were large pocket doors between the parlors. They would spend countless hours playing “elevator”- opening and closing (and surely slamming) the doors. Grandma never said stop. Grandpa would take them on his many chores and they loved to gather eggs. Grandpa would go out to a special tree and take off some bark. He would then peel some inner wood and make Denny a whistle. He would soften it by putting it in his mouth and then giving it to Denny. He loved those whistles. For some reason Sue did not get a whistle that she can remember.
Grandma was an avid card player. Her favorite card game was 500 Rummy. She was ruthless and made up her own rules - like getting an extra 15 for Rummying. Grandpa, however, didn’t much care for card games. He did teach Denny 3 card Rummy, specifically because it was a really short game. Denny recalled how to play and taught it to both his girls and his grandchildren. It was always an event when they played.
There were lots of animals on the farm. Once there were three ducks that Grandpa and Grandma said were for Denny, Susie, and Ann Cavanaugh, a friend who often came to visit with them. One Sunday, they had duck for dinner and when questioned were told it was Ann’s. The next two times there was duck for dinner they were told the same thing. It took them a while to realize that was not possible.
When Denny was about seven years old, Grandpa Denny, Uncle Eddie, and Dad took him out into the wood lot to cut pulp. As Grandpa Denny and his team of horses brought the logs to cut, Uncle Eddie and Dad would argue over who was “pulling” and who was just going through the motions with the two-man buck saw. About mid-day Grandpa broke for lunch and sent Denny to a stream to get a gallon of water. When it was Denny’s turn to drink the water, he noticed all little brown “things” floating in the bottle. It seems that all three of them were chewing tobacco. Oh, how they laughed when Denny went to get a second bottle of “clean” water.
Mom’s dad died when Maureen was a baby and the other two were young. Mom looked out the window and saw Grandma Eva walking toward the house. Grandma had done the unthinkable-taken the bus from Boonville to Utica. She said she knew a city bus ran by their house so she just picked one and it was the right one! All she said was, “I was thinking you might need a little help.” Mom was eternally grateful for her thoughtfulness. It was such a tremendous gesture for a “country woman” to take off on her own to comfort Mom in the city.
As the years progressed, Grandma was hospitalized and Grandpa lived with us on Taylor Ave. Although we had never seen him show much affection, he had a picture of Grandma on his dresser and kept a vase of fresh flowers in front of it for her. We all knew he took the flowers from the neighbor’s yard. One time, Sue came home from the convent for a visit. It was determined that she would go to visit Grandma even though she doubted Grandma would remember her. Grandpa saw that Grandma had a new dress and her hair done for Sue’s arrival. Sue wore the full nun’s habit from head to toe! Grandma was most impressed with Sue and asked, “Do you have the Buckley legs under all that?” Sue lifted her habit and said she did!!
Around 1941, Maurice and Mary bought a camp in Grant, NY. They spent many summers there and a number of the Buckley family members would join them. Even some of the early reunions were held there. One of the best reunion memories was watching the suitcase game for adults. There were two suitcases, one filled with women’s clothes and the other with men’s. Women had to run to the end with the suitcase and get completely dressed in the men’s clothes including long underwear, neckties, suspenders and a hat; and men would have to put on the women’s clothes including corsets, dresses, hat and a purse. They had to return to the starting point wearing the opposite sex’s clothes, disrobe those clothes and put everything back into the suitcases. The object was to see which team could do it the fastest. Those were the days when you made your own games and your own fun.
Aunt Monnie and Aunt Eleanor would often spend their vacations at the camp. One day while Dad was at work, Monnie, Eleanor and Mom, decided to paint a small bedroom. They couldn’t get the bed apart as it had rusted, so they took the mattress off and Mom and Aunt Monnie jumped up and down on the springs with paint rollers and Aunt Eleanor timed them. Her job was to clean up after them. It took them 29 minutes to completely paint the room and Aunt Eleanor cried over the mess they made.
Mom and Dad were very generous with what little they had. Many times Uncle Francis and Aunt Bea would borrow Dad’s car from the firehouse and drive their family to camp so they could have a day out of the city. Then they would drive back and leave him the car so he would have it after his 24 hour shift at the firehouse. Other times, it would be the Back family, who lived next door to us on Taylor Ave.
Financial resources were not plentiful and in fact, rather slim. To save money Mom would repaint the kitchen floor at the camp every spring. She would start when she was having a bad day in Utica. Now, who could have a bad day with five kids of various ages? She would paint the entire floor black. Another day she would roll up a newspaper and dab it in white paint and write bad words all over the floor. Then she would fill them in, but she swore she could see the words all summer. What a clever way to save on psychiatry bills.
The camp was on a dirt road with Hinckley Beach a few miles away. There was quite a bit of traffic to the beach which produced a significant amount of dust. Dad managed to get used oil (before EPA regulations) from a cousin who had a garage. We would spend many hours pouring the oil out of a large sprinkler can to keep the dust down. The camp was also on a rather large curve in the road. Dad made a big sign, “SLOW CHILDREN “ and posted it on the curve. One of the local farmers stopped by and said, “Gee, Buck, if I had slow children, I wouldn’t advertise it.” Well, the sign came down and we had to fend for ourselves.
After many years, Dad decided to sell the camp, but we were not onboard. He couldn’t understand why no one was interested in the property. His shift at the firehouse was 24 hours plus drive time down and back. While he was gone, we hung a blanket over the For Sale sign until one day we overslept and got caught.
There are many words that come to mind to describe our parents. Dad was hard working and brave, which you would have to be to be a fireman. He even received an award for the most heroic rescue in the State for that year. There was an award dinner in New York City. He had charisma and could sell ice to an Eskimo. After his 24 hour shift as a fireman he would be on the road selling motel furniture. That left Mom to raise the five of us on her own. There was never a “Wait until your father gets home!” in our house. For being an only child from means, to a mother of five without means, was no easy feat. She was the glue that kept us going.
In the early years, Mom and Dad enjoyed life with their kids. By the time there were four kids and then five; life was more strained to make ends meet. They were very instrumental in making sure we all obtained an education so that our lives would be easier. They did enjoy the grandchildren and great grandchildren to the nth degree. The older ones got to go to Florida without their parents and spend special time with Papa and Grandma Mary.
When Dad died in 1977, Mom lived on until 2005. All during the time they were married she did not get to make any decisions. New cars appeared and she didn’t even get to pick the color. If she needed something like a new iron, one just appeared. She had a portrait of Dad over the television that she talked to after he died. “ See, Maurice, I bought a new car today”, or “I moved all the money around to get a better interest rate”, etc. She became a “grey panther”, standing up for her rights.
Hopefully, by now she has stopped yelling at him in heaven. She was not happy when he died. He had promised her he would never leave her and he had broken his promise.http://buckleyreunion.hulseware.com/wordpress/?p=133
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